Dong of Hearts Review

Dong of Hearts


Thank You For Voting! We Appreciate Your Feedback
User Rating:
Audio Review

MrPornGeek’s Plays Dong of Hearts

This game is pretty much the story of my life. Meet hot girl, have hot sex dreams about said girl, then wake up to find she’s actually fucking your douche friend instead of you. If I had a dollar for every time that’s happened to me in real life I’d be a millionaire swimming in dollar bills and pussy, but at least with this game you have a change to turn around and steal your dream fuck back, but not until you defeat the black mass that consumed your entire hometown and ruined your life. Sound like a crazy plot line so far? Keep reading, it gets wilder!

The Premise

The rest of this unfolds like your typical love story:  Your dream fuck gets kidnapped while on a date with your douche friend, so you go into a cave searching for her when suddenly your dick starts glowing and a demon with fluorescent nipples has sex with you before disappearing and leaving you with the “dong of hearts.” Then your town is swallowed up by the black mass and you black out only to wake up in some random village talking to a brunette with huge cans about how the mass keeps wiping out humanity and will continue to do so until someone takes it out. So romantic.

So now your job is to find your dream fuck and your douche friend, and stop the black mass before it causes any more destruction.

The Characters

You: You are a chill, average dude who looks more like a man of leisure then they guy who is about to save the world. You kinda look like that guy Hunk from the original Voltron, with a funny face and goofy ass hair. You do get to choose your own name, however which is pretty awesome because if you ever do get to nail your dream fuck, it’s your name she’ll be screaming.

Kari: This is your dream fuck – a hot little ginger whore with short red hair, pale skin, a slender body, massive tits, and big baby doll blue eyes. She’s hot, kinda bitchy, and definitely a tease, but if all goes well you’ll be fucking the attitude right out of her in no time.

Ryu: He’s your wanker friend who gets to bone Kari. I’m sure he’s a nice enough guy, but since he stole your dream girl without so much as a second thought, he can go fuck himself with a chainsaw.  Oh ya, he’s really attractive and has great hair, because of course he does. Jesus, what a asshole.

Gigi: The brunette chick with huge cans you encounter in the village of missing people. She’s kind of a smartass but it’s clear she’ll help you on your journey. You should probably think about fucking the attitude out of her too though, just for good measure. Sure she has a terrifying boyfriend who already beat the crap out of you once and would probably do it again, but you have the Dong of Hearts so fuck that fuck too.

Other characters: Random hot chicks, a warrior who looks like a famous “goofy” cartoon dog, a man duck who looks like his name should be Howard, and a bunch of other randos I’m too lazy to name here.

A Sexual RPG With Great Characters

The graphics are great and the plot line is really interesting, especially if you’re into RPGs like I am. The premise is easy to comprehend and the game is really easy to play so the learning curve isn’t too bad. You can pretty much start playing and understand what’s going on right away. The game is a little long, but there is lots to fap to along the way like the shower scene where you get to watch Kari rub soap all over her huge tits, or the cave scene where the sultry dark creature emerges from the shadows to ride your rock hard, inexplicably glowing cock as you lay there confused but satisfied.

Though it’s a long game you can save and come back to it any time, and there’s also a recording you can watch if you’re just in the mood to watch and fap or you want to see what’s in store in later scenes. The instructions are also pretty clear, and you get to pick up a lot of cool stuff along the way such as the “Passionate Fruit” that makes anyone you want fall in love with you. Anyone know where I can find one of those in real life? I need one for a, uh, friend of mine…

XXX Action That Takes Time To Develop

The intro is way too long for my taste because when I checked this one out for the first time I was horny and just wanted to get on with it. It also moves pretty slow with really long gaps in between scenes.

MrPornGeek’s Final Conclusion

Dong of Hearts has pretty much everything I ask for in a role playing game – nice graphics, a good story line, interesting characters, and lots of hot scenes with a variety of sluts. Though it starts off a little slow the payoff is well worth it if you hang in there and keep pushing forward.

The females are also super-hot with lots of sass which I appreciate, plus they are drawn very well. I jerked off more than a few times just thinking about Kary sitting on a box with her massive tits out, legs spread apart and panties pushed to one side to expose her perfectly fuckable little pussy.

I also appreciate the work it took to develop these characters. I know the whole point is to blow a load, but as someone who really appreciates a good video game I love it when a studio goes the extra mile to give us great characters along with great fucking.

Review Pros
  • Super Hot Female Characters
  • Real Role Playing Choices
  • Awesome XXX Finale When Done
Review Cons
  • The intro is way too long
  • Slow gaps between some scenes